Recently, I was having a conversation with my therapist and I was telling her that I do not know who the “Real Chelle” is sometimes. I have lived my life as a people pleaser, and there are times I will agree with a person just to be agreeing with them. For example, if I was interested in a guy to date, I would do all I could to learn to like what he liked, so that I could carry on a conversation with him. I wanted him to think I was “amazing” that I would actually do something like that. However, I do not know if I did that because I was being nice, or if I just wanted to be accepted. I sometimes wondered why they just could not learn to like what I liked, but I grew up thinking (and being told), that if a girl wants to please a man, she needs to learn to love what he loves.

So, my assignment from her was to write down 100 things that I like (or hate). It seems a little selfish to me, but if by chance anyone ever reads my blog, they will know the “Real Chelle.” I am going to try to be as honest as I can be, and I may be embarrassed by some things (maybe even ashamed). However, if I am ever going to “heal” I need to do this for my sake.

Here I go…..

1. I love going to church.
2. I like reading.
3. I like pizza.
4. I like Pepsi.
5. I like Snickers Bars.
6. I like Peanut M&Ms.
7. I like Tootsie Roll Pops, especially the grape ones.
8. I like Cherry Slushies.
9. I like car rides.
10. I like the San Jose Sharks.
11. I like the Oakland A’s.
12. I like sleeping in and staying in my pajamas all day.
13. I like the television show, Friends, because it made me laugh during the saddest time in my life.  I am a little sedimental about the show.
14. I like Cheese Steaks, without the onions.
15. I hate seafood with a passion. That is one thing that I cannot pretend to like, no matter how much I want to impress someone.
16. I do not like onions or mushrooms.
17. My favorite ice-cream is vanilla chocolate chip.
18. My guilty pleasure television show is Desperate Housewives.
19. Golf and tennis bores me to no end.
20. I do not really care that much for football, but I love watching the Super Bowl and rooting for the underdog team.
21. The stock exchange bores me.  I really tried.  I promise.
22. Cars bore me, especially NASCAR.  Who cares about cars driving around in a circle “lots” of times.
23. I do not care for classical music.  It actually makes me nervous.
24. I like country music.
25. I like the Michael Jackson song, Beat It, and have it on my Ipod to listen to when I work out sometimes.
26. I like going to the movies with my son, and hearing him laugh.
27. I do not care for horror films, but I do like thrillers.
28. I like dogs and cats, but prefer dogs.
29. I like dolphins.
30. I would rather wear jeans than any other outfits because it is comfortable.
31. I enjoy hanging out with friends and playing games.
32. I do not care for alcohol, but occasionally will have a margarita or mimosa.  When I say, “occasionally,” I mean just a few times a year.
33. I do not enjoy cooking.
34. I like pedicures and facials.
35. I like Disneyland.
36. I like sitting on the beach, watching the ocean, but I do not like going into the ocean.
37. I do not enjoy wearing a swimsuit.
38. I like the game UNO and Sorry.
39. I like monkeys.
40. I wish I could be a stay-at-home mom.
41. I cannot stand clutter.
42. I sometimes like to stay at home on a Sunday, and just enjoy my day without having to feel guilty by not going to church.
43. I love meeting new people, but meeting men to “date” scares me.
44. I wish I could still not be worried about what some people will think about me after reading this list.
45. I do not like confrontations.
46. I like walking around San Francisco and Monterey.
47. I love historical cities.
48. I like reading People Magazine.
49. I like playing Family Feud on facebook.
50. I like driving in my car and listening to my Ipod.
51. Playing the piano relaxes me.
52. I like to dance and listen to all types of music (except rap and hard rock).
53. I do not only read the KJV Bible.  I would rather memorize verses from the KJV, but I like studying from the ESV.
54. There are some days that I like to watch television all day because then I do not have to “think” about important things that worry me.
55. I like cheesy 80′s movies.
56. I love hanging out with my family.
57. If God ever allowed me to marry again, I would like to meet him at church.  I want him to have the same beliefs as me.
58. I believe in the Sovereignty of God in ALL areas of my life.
59. I like historical places and wish I could visit every one of them.
60. I like having someone cook for me, but I do not mind cleaning up afterwards.
61. I have never eaten “Bambi” and not sure if I want to try it.  Although, hunting might be fun.
62. I would like to shoot a gun, even though they scare me.
63. I could watch a baseball game (no matter what the team) any day with the people I love the most.  I think it’s the perfect “first date” because you can carry on a conversation, enjoy a game, and not have to look him in the eye the whole time.  Ha ha.
64. I wish I could share my faith more, but lately I have had a hard time with it.  I feel guilty about that.
65. I think that being mean to people who do not share my beliefs will only make them reject it more.  I believe you can stand for what you believe, yet do it with kindness.  I grew up with “mean Christians.”  I was one of them.  I am not happy about that.
66. I really do not like math as much as people think I do.
67. I do not really care for the “expensive” things in life, but if I could choose one luxury, it would be a grand piano.
68. Oh, someday I would like a Coach purse, but that is not going to happen.
69. Although I love living with my brother and Nikole, I would love having my own house again one day.  I do not see how that will ever happen.
70. If God allows me to ever marry again, I would like to get married in Hawaii on the beach, with just my family and close friends there.  I already had the big wedding.  Next time, I want it to be simple.  Maybe I will just elope in Vegas.  Ha ha.  JUST KIDDING!!!
71. I could eat chocolate chip ice-cream every day.
72. I want to lose weight and feel good about myself, but mostly I want to be strong again.
73. I would like for my mom and dad not to fight anymore.
74. I would like for my mom to stop treating me like I am ten.
75. I want to raise a kind son who loves God more than anything else.
76. I would like to tell people when they are being unkind.  I tend to just “take it” and make excuses for them.  I wish I could say, “You are such a jerk right now.” It does not matter who that person is either.
77. I wish I could stop at #77 because this is difficult.
78. I wish I was smart enough to have a better job sometimes.  One that pays more money, with health insurance.
79. I wish I never had to worry about anything every again.
80. I wish I did not care what people thought of me.
81. I think it would be fun to have season tickets to the San Jose Sharks games, although I would probably not go to every game. =)
82. I want a lap dog.
83. I want my dad to come back to the states and live here close to us.
84. I want to sleep in tomorrow because I am SO tired.
85. I would like to meet Brad Paisley someday.
86. I would like to see the broadway play, Wicked.
87. I want to go to Las Vegas and see Terry Fator.
88. I would like a new computer that is not a hand-me-down.  Although, I am grateful for the ones given to me.
89. I am thinking all this “me stuff” is sounding quite selfish now.
90. I would like to go spend a week with my best friend in Minnesota this summer.
91. I have never been to a professional basketball game.  I would like to.
92. I have also never been to a professional football game.  That would be fun, too.
93. I think it would be fun to play with dolphins.
94. I wish I had some watermelon right now.  ;)
95. I wish I lived closer to some of my friends.  It would be nice to see them more often.
96. I would like to meet some of my friends I have met through blogging and facebook.
97. I wish I could trust more… not people, but God.
98. I wish my relationship with God was better.  Maybe then, all this other “stuff” would not matter.
99. I would like to be nicer to people.  I have been so impatient lately.
100. I would like to have a better relationship with my mother, without feeling like I am always being put down.

That was hard…..