Sunday Scribblings (Skin)
Friday, September 29, 2006 11:23 PM
“You’re bread, she’s toast, and he’s burnt toast!” That is what the neighborhood kids said to my sister, me, and my friend, Dwight (who is Jamaican) when we were young. Then, there was that one boy who called me the “N” word in the seventh grade. That was the beginning of the insecurity I had with my skin.
I have tan skin. My siblings and I are half Thai and half Caucasian, but I seem to be the only one who has the darker skin. I used to think that it was because I was born in Thailand, and my siblings were born in America. Haha! (Well, my brother has dark skin, but he would be in the category of “tall, dark, and handsome,” and that is a good thing, right?)
Then, I have a disorder called Neurofibromatosis. I have these little bumps on and under my skin that can be ugly. I have struggled with that too. So, needless to say, my “skin” is not my most favorite feature on my body.
Yet, now that I am older, it does not bother me so much. Well, the “bumps” do, but not the color of my skin. I think of all the people who lay out for hours in the sun to try to get tanned, and I have a “tan” all year long. I do not have to worry about leathery skin, or even the higher risk of skin cancer.
There are so many blessings of being “dark” that I did not know when I was a child. I have lived with so many insecurities all my life and I am tired of hiding behind them. Being insecure only holds you back from being who God intended you to be, and what a waste of time. Things have happened in my life recently that could make me even more insecure, but I refuse to let that happen.
I am going to take a step back, and trust God to help make me something special. People or circumstances can change, but they will not win in trying to destroy my life. I am special. I have beautiful skin! Yes, I am “toast,” but toast is good. “Toast” is a good thing!
So, is bread and burnt toast too!
***Read more Scribblings here!
It seems I always burn the toast!!
Literally, I do. Believe me, you are lucky to have a tan all year round. I try to avoid the sun now with having to worry about all the skin cancer, but I do love soaking up the rays. Just can’t do it anymore! 
Gracey said this on September 30th, 2006 at 7:08 am
Great post Chelle. We are all who and what we are. I feel sorry for people who are racisist and only see skin color. They are missing out. I actively seek out people from other contries or other cultures because I am interested in them and learning about them. A lot of people here where I live don’t understand that and think I’m wierd. Well, ok, I am wierd, but not because of that.
As for insecurities, boy do I wish I could overcome mine!
Jay said this on September 30th, 2006 at 7:24 am
Toast is great. My son was toasted on a low setting.
Your post was inspiring–I also struggle with that insecurity beast.
Michelle said this on September 30th, 2006 at 7:32 am
Out of the three, I’ve always preferred Toast with some lightly salted butter
I’m not sure if you really want to extend the metaphore, though.
And insecurities are a problem for everyone. We each have them. To deny so is to be dishonest with ourselves. But the answer is not losing them. It’s in not letting them control us.
I too have had my fair share of these. As I’ve told you before, I used to get picked on, ganged up on and into numerous fights because of my asian blood. I used to resent that part of my heritage until only a few years ago. But I do tend to avoid folks who like to make such racial comments towards me or towards others. I have zero room or tolerance for folks like that.
Anyway, you have little to worry about in terms of insecurities. You have only grown more beautiful since I first met you and you simply need to start believing it. And as far as your abilty to get around is concerned, you are more capable than I can ever recall in the past. Think of how independent and mobile you are now as opposed to years ago. Plus, you have the added benefit of making grownups and children, alike, jealous of your scooter. That’s a plus.
As far as everything else goes, I just hope you will love yourself as you have been created. You have so much to offer and you simply need not worry about what others think. It’s influenced you for far too long.
What a fantastic post, Chelle. Short, but still says so much about you, and shows off your beautiful spirit. And you should feel good with your toasty skin, also, because it shows off your BEAUTIFUL smile. I hope you just keep keeping on, until that smile is back on a regular basis.
Amber said this on September 30th, 2006 at 9:24 am
I don’t know if the kids were being mean calling you “bread, toast, and burnt toast” (though that last one sure sounds like it, to me, but maybe I’m projecting), but what a fun description of skin colors.
I love listening to children talk, without realizing it, even when being hurtful, they sometimes speak in poetry.
Jayne said this on September 30th, 2006 at 10:12 am
Chelle, you are beautiful inside and out. We all have our insecurities, but I think in the end, we realize what’s really important and that’s our self-respect and dignity. We should all hold our heads up high and celebrate who we are! God created us in his image and likeness and gave us the opportunity to live on this wonderful Earth and we should be forever grateful.
Kim said this on September 30th, 2006 at 11:25 am
I was born with a neck that is shorter than most – not my favorite thing about me, but as I found out, and as I can tell from reading your posts – all that matters is what’s under the skin!
Thanks for sharing!
Don said this on September 30th, 2006 at 4:58 pm
The skin disease sounds tough but from what I’ve read about you your light shines bright from within. I grew up an Oakland A’s fan too
Thought provoking post!
Chelle, I’ve read many of your comments on other blogs and it’s clear that you are a wise and loving woman. No matter what your skin does or does not show about you, your heart shines through.
Blessings to you and yours.
Jerri said this on October 1st, 2006 at 9:30 am
Wonderful post, Chelle! Toast is terrific!
Paris Parfait said this on October 1st, 2006 at 10:29 am
I have see the pictures, and you are beautiful lady! You made me giggle about the being darker cuz you were born in Thailand.
mary said this on October 1st, 2006 at 11:56 am
hehe such a child’ rationalization that you would be darker because you were born in Thailand! You are a beautiful woman bumps, tan and all! It is hard to live with insecurities, and I have found as I age those insecurities are less.
Just wanted to say I noticed the profile change – It’s nice. The boys are more excited than ever about piano AND they are actually practicing!! I hope they’ll progress quickly. I think you’ll be teaching again in the near future! You’re an awesome teacher – I always admired your organization! (My cabinets and drawers were always disaster – and my bulletin board stuff, forget about it! Yours was always so neat and stored so carefully for future use!!)
Debbie said this on October 1st, 2006 at 10:44 pm
I´ve suffered from ezcema on and off most of my life so I can relate to skin being one of the least favourite features of your body. It’s so ridiculous how many people with white skin spend half their life wishing they were darker and risking skin cancer to get a tan. I always found in Japan and other Asian countries that people would go to great lengths to make their skin whiter. It’s a shame we can’t just appreciate our variety and see the beauty in what God made us!
Kamsin said this on October 2nd, 2006 at 2:01 am
all bread wants to be toast but end up looking more like lobster! kids can be cruel but i believe they get it from the grown-ups, which is sad.
despite everything you seem quite happy in your skin, to quote a phrase. a really good read, chelle.
ian russell said this on October 2nd, 2006 at 5:06 am
well.. i hate being bread.. i’d rather be toast with honey.. or toast with strawberry jam.. or .. wait, TOAST WITH NUTELLA… **drools**
I agree with you, having dark skin has many advantages.. mainly being.. it looks better than pale pasty yucky white skin like mine.. but the important thing is, that you love who you are, and how G-d made you, and clearly, that’s where you are, so major props to you ((hugz))